


Cutting Deep

by defuse00



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Blue Karkat, Gen, Indigio Kanaya, Minor Character Death, bloodswap, bloodswap au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-23 07:52:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16614914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/defuse00/pseuds/defuse00
Summary: Karkat is a blue blood with a complicated relationship with his lusus. Can he stay true to himself or will he crumble to the demands of others?





	Cutting Deep

Your name is Karkat Vantas. Your blood has raised you up, but it has also left you a curse. Your guardian. Even as a wriggler, you were aware of a difference between you and your lusus.

You were still young enough to not know that a spider and a troll grub were different species. You considered your mother a stronger grub who brought you food out of kindness. You didn't know what cruelty and greed even were. Naive, maybe, but you had no reason to know better. But there was something to fear, a look at your squirming body and early attempts at speech that scared you. You didn't know what it was.

You found out eventually. Your mother didn't bother to hide it, and the faces of her prey looked so much like yours. You begged her not to kill them, but she told you that it was the only thing she could eat. That this was necessary, that you needed her if you were going to survive. Her eight eyes glared at you as she ate, judging your tears.

You grow up with friends whose lususes cared for them, not in the literal sense but the kind you felt in your heart. Vriska's talk over the antics of her fairy bull, Gamzee's rambling about his cat lusus. Their love was obvious and you couldn't compare it to your own relationship. Tension underpinned every part of your interactions with your lusus.

Maybe this tension what led to your contentious relations with your neighbor. Kanaya was unreasonably proud of herself, lacking the self-loathing which you expected from everyone. Your interactions had gotten darker and darker til they had begun fighting regularly. Maybe you will be kismesises in the future. But for now your communication with her consists of bitter dialog and occasional fights, with you experimenting with your developing psionics and Kanaya discovering her burgeoning strength.

As you grew up, you tried to ignore what your mother did. It got harder as she involved you more and more in what she did. Getting you to locate her prey, having you move the bodies. It wasn't like you had a choice. You did your research, trolls really were the only thing she could eat. And besides, she could turn her jaws on you as well. But eventually, she wanted more.

***

She'd been sleeping for a few nights now after a long hunt and you grew concerned for her health. Did lusii molt or something? You hope that her only issue was a normal stage of her growth and not something worse. You go to investigate the cave she has recently made her rest in.

"Come to lord over your unfortunate guardian?" echoes through the cave and your head. "I do hope you extend the same kindness to me that I did to you."

"What do you mean?" you respond with a thin voice.

"You didn't expect me to remain capable of hunting forever, did you?" she sneers, "I've grown too much to leave this cavern. You'll have to bring me food."

"What?" you say in disbelief.

She moves, legs clattering around in the shadows. "I didn't raise you to be stupid. You know what that means."

Your thoughts focus to a point. You understand you have an obligation to your lusus. She still provides you with a defense against intruders as well as valuable source of  knowledge. But feeding her will involve no small amount of death. And of course, killing. Just the idea of watching another troll die makes your bloodpusher twist. You can't imagine killing someone. But you have to make a choice.

"I'll do my best to provide you with what you deserve, " you say.

You get the impression of a smile in your mind. You run out of the cave, almost running up the mountain of stairs leading up to your room. Taking a deep breath, you log onto Trollian. Your message to Kanaya is to the point. Meet on the bridge. You only have to wait a moment for her reply, which you are grateful for. This is hard enough as it is. You takes your time going down to the bridge. You need to save your energy.

Kanaya is tense as you approach. "I thought we didn't fight on the bridge any more," she says. You two didn't, ever since Kanaya had almost been compelled over the side. You had stopped before she fell, and you two had avoided a repeat by unspoken agreement ever since.

"We don't," you reply, "I want to talk."

"And if it turns into a fight?" she retorts.

"That won't happen if you keep your head," you yell, "You aren't a complete dumbass, as much as I'd like to think so."

"Did you intend to damn me with faint praise all night or do you have a planned topic of discussion?" Kanaya asks.

"I'd like to request a favor," you growl.

Kanaya laughs, a clear, penetrating note. "You don't have anything I would want in return. Why would I help you?"

"I'll owe you majorly," you say, as calmly as you can manage, "I've never broken my word with you."

"You've never promised me anything major. I don't see why I should put my faith in you."

You groan. "Maybe a small favor first, as some insurance for you?" you grumble.

Kanaya smiles and says, "I need an escort to purchase more robotics supplies. You'll do. Now tell me more about this favor."

"My lusus has grown too goddamn massive to hunt for herself. She wants me to hunt for her," you admit.

"And?"

"I'm not killing for her. I'd rather die," you announce, "I'm going to kill her and you are going to help."

"You are a fool, Karkat Vantas." Kanaya says taking a step towards you before realizing her surroundings, "You need a lusus. I may not be able to kill you on my own, but a group will manage it with ease."

"I'll survive," you reply bitterly.

"Don't you think you should see this from your guardian's perspective?" Kanaya says, "She's worked very hard to make you into a functioning troll, and you intend to throw that all away? Don't you see something wrong with that?"

"No. I see something fucking wrong with murdering dozens of trolls to feed one lusus," you yell. "Not all of us are as lucky as you."

Kanaya shakes her head. "This is absurd," she declares, "I'm not going to put myself at risk to please your wriggler fantasy of pacifism." She turns away. "You will have no problems gathering the appropriate food for her with your psionics."

"How about I start with Vriska?" Karkat screams.

Kanaya stops and turns back towards you. "What did you say?" her voice trembling with emotion.

"You heard me!" you taunt, "That sweet, innocent brown blood. I wouldn't even have to use my psionics. She probably walk right up to her. All I'd need to do is make her stand still for a moment and crunch," you mime a spider's jaw, "she'd be gone."

"Stop this at once!" Kanaya demands, a tooth crunching in her jaw, but you have only just started.

"I wonder when I would tell you." you continue, "If I tell you early enough, you'll be just in time to watch her fall into my lusus' jaws."

"Enough!" Kanaya screams with anguish.

"Maybe you'll come running across, watching her stare at you in confusion as mother devours her. Will you blame yourself? I -"

"I said enough! I'll do it!" Kanaya yells, "You can stop."

"Tomorrow then," you pressure, eyes refusing to leave her.

"Fine," Kanaya says, eyes hard.

You turn away from Kanaya and take a few steps before she calls out. "You didn't have to bring Vriska into it. We could have been polite about this."

"No we couldn't."

***

Waiting for Kanaya is a worrying experience. You know she'll be here at some point. But when? You didn't tell her a time and you could be left waiting for half the night. Still, she will be pissed if you aren't here when she arrives, so you keep waiting anyway. Luckily, you don't have to wait too long.

Kanaya arrives, her trench knives already on her hands. She moves slowly, arms rigid by her side. "Do you have a plan?" she says.

"I handle psionics, you get go for the legs and try to do as much damage as possible," you say.

"Of course your plan involves me at the most risk." Kanaya comments, "Are you going to able to provide support with the shotgun or are you going to be too busy handling the mental battle?"

"I'll help if I can, but she is my psionic superior," you admit, "I'm likely to have my attention occupied."

"Fine," she says. She grabs a nearby rock the size of your head. "Let's go."

The cave has somehow taken on a sinister aspect in the night since his mother started inhabiting it. Was the entrance ever this tall, or this dark? Did it always feel like the crunch of dust and gravel was actually cracking bones?

Eight eyes make an appearance in the dark. "Brought me my first meal already? I always knew -"

A throw from Kanaya interrupts her speech, and you clamp down on your mother's mind. She shatters your attempt, but you bought enough time for your ally to score a hit on her flank. Blue blood sprays from a wound, but your lusus clatters away from Kanaya. The fight is on.

Psionic power strikes back at you, but you know how to defend yourself. Still, the effort occludes your sight enough to prevent you from observing the next few blows. After a few moments, your vision clears. Your lusus clings to a wall, out of Kanaya's reach.

"Are you really this foolish, child?" she says as she looks down on you, "How do you expect to survive alone?"

You refuse to answer, raising your shotgun and firing at her, but she dodges with ease. Her eyes twitch as she moves. She focuses them on Kanaya and makes her attack. While your ally has no problem avoiding the assault, your guardian follows it up with a mental attack. You defend as best you can, but Kanaya is still shaken, unable to press the advantage.

"This is how you pay me back, wriggler," she taunts, "With injury for my kindness and cruelty for my support. You don't deserve my mercy. I'll offer it anyway. Kill the girl and all will be forgiven."

You remain silent and press back with as much psionic force as you can. Kanaya recovers and grabs the spider's leg, dragging her off balance. The lusus gives up on the mental assault, shaking off your neighbor. You take the opportunity to use your shotgun and fire off a few blasts.

You and Kanaya have managed to pin the spider in a corner. She's slow now, missing a leg from one of Kanaya's earlier swipes and tired from the constant dodging. But still dangerous. Kanaya blocks a bite attempt and counters, drawing more blood. This buys you the time needed to fire more iron into your lusus. The massive creature tries to charge Kanaya, but falls as it tries to shift its mass.

"Shall I kill her?" Kanaya growls, still recovering from combat.

Your breath stills in your throat. It's strange that this feels like your last chance to turn back, like you could go back to normal after this. You passed that point a long time ago.

"Do it."

She stabs down, and you both watch as she bleeds. It doesn't feel like winning, but it doesn't feel like losing either.


End file.
